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Comments

Vixen

Very interesting points here. Larry....it's always nice to hear the male perspective. I think the biggest problem I have with this whole thing is the whopping generalization. I've heard that sex does plummet in long term relationships, but I strongly feel that there are other factors that cause this besides it being 'the woman's fault'. Especially since most women in this day and age will agree to enjoying sex....ALOT more than most males realise.

Teresa Valdez Klein

I couldn't agree with you more, Liz. Correlations and causations are often confused by the general public and the popular press after reading a study. You can only establish causation by manipulating variables in a laboratory experiment. Field research is almost always purely correlational.

I'd say from my own personal experience that becoming comfortable in a relationship can put stress on the sexual part of things. But in a good relationship, communication and support go a long way towards establishing a healthy sex life.

One of the things that I love about my relationship is that my fiancé understands when I'm not interested in sex and has learned not to put pressure on me about it. My level of desire goes through peaks and valleys, and will return at some point.

Liz

The problem is, these studies are conducted and so often correlation leads to an assumption about causation. Recently, I've also become concerned with the "why" of studies being conducted, which can often skew results. Finally, I think any time we discuss the "most" of anything we are treading in dangerous waters, as people are truly individuals and I find gender generalizations lazy and offensive, usually to both men and women.

As presented, the study seems to be saying that it is a physical characteristic of women that they become less interested in sex after 4 years and that men remain interested - I just find that a really simplistic conclusion.

And yes, my experience with men - anecdotal though it be - shows that they start slowing down big time with age. Which I found to be a surprising discovery considering the way we talk about men and women's sexuality.

larry

Typical - you object to the study since it is not always true or not true for 100% of the group they talk about.

I don't know how true these results are - but I do know several things to be true in General (most people)
- More men think of something sexual more often eery day
- More men want sex more often than women do
- More men think of having sex with other women than the one they are with whether they do it or not
- More men cheat on the woman they are with
- the reasons men and women get into a relationship is not always the same reasons
- what men think is satisfying in a relationship is different from what women think is satisfying
- Just because some women are the exception does not mean there is no rule about most women (women don't like to admit some things about themselves so they object)

Some men don't want sex as much as some women but the rule still holds
Nymphos are the exception to most women though more women want more sex than men may realize
Wanting sex does not mean you know how to have sex very well
Sex is different from making love -

More often than not, when I say something to a woman or a group of women about some generalization about women, most of them object to it
When I bring some generalization about men to a man or a group of men, most of the time they generally agree.

Go Figure!

Liz

Yeah, the problem about these "studies" is they just never look at causation. A man leaving all the work to his wife and then complaining about her sex drive is just one example of why some of these lame statistics exist.

And I love you bringing up viagra. At 35 so many people seem to think I should date men 10 years older than me - DUDE, THEY CAN'T KEEP UP! Seriously, it's been my observation that all things being EQUAL, it's men that slow down first.

Teresa

My fiancé and I will celebrate our four year anniversary a week from today. We're both 23 and the sex is great. It's true that I don't want to have sex as much as I used to, and I know that's a function of being in a long-term relationship. The serious work of being with someone does kill my sex drive somewhat.

I find that I'm more attracted to him when our apartment is not a mess and the dishes get done. But as a general rule, we don't put too much pressure on one another about sex. It happens when it happens, masturbation is always an option, and we don't read too much into it.

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